Weighty Issues

           I have been hired on as a Student Nurse Tech at a local hospital. I currently weigh 6lbs less than my highest ever lifetime weight. I struggle with the Type 1 diabetes that I have had since I was 17, overeating, and laziness. Nursing school is stressful, and before that eating carbs was a way to escape an abusive and miserable relationship.

           My first instinct is to just use MyFitnessPal, count calories, and keep trying to meet my goals with my Fitbit. That isn't working for me. I'm looking to make a change and I want to try something new. I know for a fact that my new job, after not working and just going to school for the last year, will have be on my feet and burning calories. I want to make a change in my eating and I want to have fun with it. I need structure and rules. I feel that trying to create my own diet is just too big of a task. I like loose boundaries that Weight Watchers offers. The uplifting blogs that share my struggles, the colorful recipe pictures, and the whole world of support out there.

           When the choices are too many, I can't choose. I want to follow a set plan for a while and then slowly venture out on to my own. I have followed a 80/20 raw diet, done juice fasts, eaten ultra low-carb, followed ADA nutrition guidelines, and been on Weight Watchers about 8 years ago. I have an aversion to following diet "rules", because no matter what I tried, nothing works. I hesitate to start up a new paid program that I will just fail at. I'm looking at this as a new adventure, reading blogs like Diva on a Diet and It Sux to be Fat, and I'm trying to get excited. I'm following links, building Pinterest boards, and getting inspired.

           I wasn't in a good place to follow Weight Watchers so many years ago because I was struggling with so many other things. I was finishing my Bachelor's degree in Education, living in a tiny mother-in-law suite with my ex, partying way too much, and relying on my mother to provide me with groceries. I was younger and just not dedicated. Now I am married, almost finish with my Nursing degree, and passionate about my health and being a healthy nurse that people can look up to. Teaching and working with children wasn't as rewarding as I thought it would be and the stress was utterly devastating. I was miserable and lost weight because I would just go home and sleep after school. I am happier now, but I eat more, and THAT makes me unhappy. It's the only area in my life of which I am not proud. I will change that now. I will get a great discount for Weight Watchers and join the group at my workplace. I have not smoked cigarettes for over a year, and was a pack-a-day smoker for about 11 years of my life. I don't party anymore, but I do have the occasional drink so I do not consider myself "sober" because I think that that cheapens the word/concept for so many other people.

           I am months away from my 32nd birthday, and I do want to have our first child before I turn 35. I have 100 lbs to lose before I even consider getting pregnant. I was a healthy, 130-pound, active 17-year-old when I was diagnosed diabetic, and it has all been downhill from there.

          I will be considered high-risk when I do get pregnant because of my diabetes and "advanced maternal age", but I WILL NOT have obesity, morbid obesity, added to that list of pre-existing conditions. Who wants to take advice from a fat nurse? Not me. I don't even want to look at myself or take a picture at this weight. Profile photos of myself for this blog are me but 70 pounds lighter. I will be there again. No matter how long it takes me.